PETER PAN's PLAYGROUND

one second.

2011-02-07T21:20:00.003+08:00

I think I know what it feels like to die. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any near-death experiences to share, it's just that, in a split second of watching today's new episode of Glee (I hate it how Quinn cheats on Sam and kiss Finn. >.<) I saw myself... dying.

Maybe it's the fact that after browsing the different channels, I saw the movie "Dying Young" playing in 2nd Avenue, or the fact that I have always felt that I will die soon. I dunno.

In that split second, I saw myself falling into an abyss, not of darkness, but of black. All the feelings flushed out on me -- I don't feel tired anymore, I do not feel like hurting. The falling part was exceptionally light. Not similar to the type wherein in our dreams we fall off a cliff. No, it's more sullen than that

Everything was falling into place -- my hair was finally perfect! I didn't feel like anyone would miss me being gone. Hell, I even saw myself falling with my hands situated over my stomach.

Yes, I felt all of those in a span of a second.

finally.

2010-03-15T04:24:00.003+08:00

Special mention. I would like to thank SuperMaruManFly for making me realize this, without him even knowing this. :D

Yes, I have finally come out of the dark. Gone are the days of lying on my bed, crying myself to sleep, of days feeling empty, of nights just feeling sad. I have finally come into terms with how I feel. And frankly, it feels good.

I don't feel as much as embarrassed every time I feel happy or giddy. I am not (and never will be) overly perky. (thank god.) I just feel. so...

good...

and it's been awhile since I felt that. :)

so, thanks again, SuperMaruManFly.

There will be changes on this blog, i assume. :P

the thing is. I found myself again. my WRITING self.

hoorah for nostalgia. :)

-sF-

the cynic.

2010-02-09T22:21:00.004+08:00

I have been too much of an optimist in front of people. In fact, other people would think that I am too nice. BUT, what they don't know, is that I was always my own cynic. The type that slowly devours it's prey into a senseless and dark vacuum of... well... darkness. *shrugs*

Now, I am a fan of happiness more than the next person but, you can't expect me to change how I feel in a matter of minutes, days or even weeks. The thing that I have inherited from my parents is the fact that I hold grudges. No, not the type that you see in movies, and not the type that can make me angry for the longest time. My grudge is the type that never forgets. That lingers. and that can be caught up in different situations as ways of comparison or being all sentimental. (although lately I have been experiencing the type of grudge wherein I remain angry at a certain person for the longest of time and that I do my best to not even see that person. -_-)

The fact that I failed my second exam here in my job is not a pick-me-upper as well.

This is not my night. The latter days AND nights were not any better too.

Getting upset is tiring.. -_- I just wish it will all go away. -_-

-sF-

a thought.

2009-12-07T09:43:00.002+08:00

it's not that I am regretful of how I celebrate my birthdays. Yes, there are times that I DO want to be alone on my birthday. Sometimes even reaching a point wherein I don't appreciated being told "Happy Birthday" that much. Honestly, it's the ampao that I am mostly exited about. teehee.

But with all the kidding-ness (?) aside, I DO wish that I have somebody to celebrate it with... not only THAT kind of special someone (God knows how miserable my LAST birthday was. and I still AM miserable, at that. -_________-) but, at least, I want OTHER people to be happy I was born.

For years, (DISCLAIMER: I am NOT complaining about this. just an observation.) I have prepared for birthdays of friends--preparing parties, prepping gifts, baking cakes, trying to cook food, etc.--but, I have never been given this opportunity. -_-

ok... now I'm just getting sad. -_-

I want my share of surprise AVPs... I want my blindfold, only to be led in a small room with only 4 people at most, carrying a cake, while singing "Happy Birthday" half giggling because they knew you did not see it coming.

*sigh..*

I am not being dramatic, it's just that, since I've been to several debuts of a VERY FEW friends, they always have this Audio-Visual Presentation wherein there are pictures, home movies or interviews of their best friend or something. And... I haven't experienced that.. -_-

And, I noticed, no matter how close I am to that debutante, I don't get invited for an interview or anything. Way to go, self-esteem and pagtatampo.

yeah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY. bah humbug.

-sF-

my soon to be memory

2009-11-17T00:55:00.002+08:00

kung hindi mo makuhang tumigil kahit sandali para lang masabi sakin ang mga bagay na gusto ko marinig, pano mo pa ako bibigyan ng atensyong alam mong gusto kong nakukuha sayo?

tangna.

kung hindi ko alam nanaman kung bakit hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. at kung bakit kung ano-ano nalang ang ttype ko, aba't malay ko. ang alam ko...

gusto ko mag update ng blog.

pero wala akong magandang masabi. ganun naman talaga kung minsan diba?

psh.

anong minsan?

ganun na ako after how many months turned years.

if you'll look at my archive, you'll see a couple of outdated posts.

and yes, I might end up erasing this one sooner or later. but for now...

i need something to update my blog with...

and this is it.

untitled pa.

2009-04-29T14:47:00.002+08:00

The stillness of the library haunts her. But still, it does not stop her from spending her silent afternoons engrossed in a book. She refuses to get a Library Card because, in some sick and twisted way, she loves the serenity and fluidity her world inside gives her.

She gets her book and stands in front of the book shelf for awhile, browsing through the titles, synopses, summaries. But there is one book that caught her attention.

She grazed the spine of the book as if feeling the embossed letters of the title, caressing every detail, every curve, every line. She quietly got hold of its spine, but hesitating at the last second. She glanced at both sides, as if crossing a certain boundary. The librarian sat on the farthest left of hers and no one but the tables at her right. As she got the book, the distance seems to have grown farther. She paced her way towards the farthest table at the back of the room close to the darkest corner. It was this time that she appreciated the carpeted floors.

As she sat on the table, she put the book on her lap, refusing to put it at the table as if afraid someone might see her reading the book.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tell me what you think so far.

:)

-sF-

From the sheets to the pillow.

2009-04-24T01:13:00.002+08:00

She has endured everything around her.

The distance... The time...

The SILENCE.

It is painful enough to have everything turned into an utter disaster, just when she had everything under control.

Her form on her bed... Her fragrance entangled with the sheets... Her head against her chest when asleep...

Yes... She will miss it. Definitely. But, as sappy as it may seem, or as cheesy as it may sound, good things really DO come to an end. You just have to anticipate every moment.

But, she might tell you, she did NOT anticipate it to have ended this soon.

-sF-

it's not fate.

2009-04-06T14:25:00.003+08:00

It's not fate that's keeping us apart, it's my parents.

Of course, in my perception, parents want what's best for you. Although, I think they are so blinded about what they think is best for us (with their frustrations about to be reflected on their kids) that they don't really think we are capable of choosing on our own.

I think, in our culture, we are built and trained to be followers of our parents. Don't get me wrong, of course being obedient is utmost important in the Family heirarchy. But, what happens when it's our OWN well being and happiness we are talking about? Do we still follow everything that they want us to do? Everything being, when in doubt of your choice and decision, you follow theirs--kahit na tungkol saan pa yan. Or, will you be the family's "black sheep" just because you have taken into consideration the consequences of wanting what makes you happy, even if it means that by choosing so, it turns you into the REBEL among the family members?

In my opinion, I don't really think it is appropriate for parents to not support or listen to their kid. After all, young as they may be, or in some cases, OLD as they may be... they ARE... WE ARE able to think of what makes us happy, and, in turn, we ARE aware of whatever it is that it might have the possibility of getting us hurt.

BUT THINK ABOUT IT.

Don't you think it's hurting us more if we decided to pursue our own happiness WHILST pursuing yours? In layman's term? HIDING IT FROM YOU.

Us being hurt because without the possibility of getting that happiness (BELIEVE ME, THIS HAPPENS BECAUSE IF THE PARENTS ARE IN DOUBT OF YOUR ACTIONS, THEY WILL TRY EVERYTHING IN THEIR WILL POWER TO STOP YOU.) and you being hurt because you think that your offspring is disobeying you JUST for the sake of spiting you when in fact, they can't possibly let go because it makes them happy.

BUT...

What happens when you, as parents, do something in similarity to what your child is doing, only this time, it's worse? When lives of families are at stake--lives of YOUR FAMILY and that of OTHERS.

What do you think you're supposed to do?

-sF-

ikaw.

2009-04-05T03:05:00.002+08:00

Please don't think I'm making you look bad through my blog, please..

First of all, no one reads my blog anyway, it's just a form of a teraphy for me. Second, I'm not really making you feel guilty or anything now am I trying to make you look bad...

Pleae, wag ka magalit...

Wala na akong masabihan eh... Hindi ko kakayaning nasa kwarto lang ako, mag-isa... Ayoko na ng pakiramdam na umiiyak ako ng mag-isa... tas walang text sayo... na hindi mo man lang malalaman kung bakit ako nagkakaganto... ni hindi mo alam o wala kang paklam na hindi ako tumatawag sayo...

I son't even want to realize that you are purposely not calling me or even texting me or even wondering why I'm not calling back.

KAso, nasasaktan rin ako kapag nakakareceive ng text mo...

I made a bad joke, I'm going to never hear the end of it.

Kapag may mali ako, pinapamukha mo talaga eh. Kulang nalang sampalin mo sa mukha ko. Pero you have to know I have good intentions. You just saw it in a wrong way...

and i guess i really am not enough for you.

I always thought you were, that's why kayang kaya mo akong suyuin pag galit ako. Kaya alam mo ang gagawin pag galit ako.

Pero pag ikaw naman yung galit, ginagawa ko naman yung alam kong magpapatanggal ng galit mo eh. Pero hindi talaga gumagawa. manlamibng ako or anything, sabihin na tama na ang init ng ulo mo... mukhang mas naiirita ka pa nga eh...

kaya hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko at kung san ako lulugar.

The void is still there... hindi pa nawawala.

It's the same void I feel everytime I get hurt. It was the same void I felt when we almost broke up. THe same void I felt when dad told us the truth. The same void I felt when I realized nma may feelings si papa. The same void I felt When I realized what he saw in her. The same void I feel when we have big fights,. The same void I feel when I get hurt. The same void I thought I would never feel.

Pero alam ko namang imosibleng mawala satin yung void eh. At least alam mong mahal talaga kita.

-sF-

I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

2009-04-05T03:04:00.001+08:00

I van't breathe.

I can't feel.

I need a hug.

I need to cry.

BUT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO...

QUESTIONS.

2009-04-05T02:44:00.002+08:00

Do you know how painful it is to cry in the middle of an argument, holding back your reply just because she might think that you are trying to defend yourself again, even though you're wrong? Do you know how hard it is to type in front of the computer, in the middle of the morning, at about 2:46 AM, without any device to see clearly?

Do you know how hard it is to cry so silently becauise you don't want to cause any ruckus? Or because you don't want them to hear? Do you know how hard it is to cry in the middle of the night, at about 2:46 AM, wanting to hug or hold someone--wanting human affection or contact, but, all you have is a bed full of stuffed animal, one large sized Tigger, one medium sized Baby Taz, and one stuffed dog named Bernard?

Do you know how difficult it is to grasp the idea of you flaring up for something that I seem to do every night--annoy you--with the littlest things i do? Do you not think that I suffer the same pressure as you do or even think of ways or thoughts as you do? Do you think i'm not thinking of ways to give you what you want?

Do you think I don't get hurt too?

Do you think that what happened with my parents does not affect me?

Do you think JUST because I still live with my parents, and you live there, that I am having the better life?? Do you think I do not think of you every decent meal I have in this home, knowing that you have not yet eaten??

Why did you think I don't eat much when I'm at home? I

Do you think I do not care?

Am I so stupid or shallow for you?

HOw is it that you are not really that patient with me? Yes, you lasted two years, and more with me... But still, you have the shortest patience...

How is it that you can crack a joke and I can't? How is it that you see it wrong?

Have you ever felt like you want to do anything for her just to fix whatever it is she's worrying about AND STILL feel like you have done NOTHING AT ALL for her?

Have you ever felt that everytime she says "Tang inang buhay 'to" you feel that you do not make her happy at all? as in ever? and that you feel so insignificant? and that you will realize that your attempts to make everything better has not worked even for ONE BIT?

HAVE YOU EVER FELT THAT VOID INSIDE YOU, FEELING THAT YOU HAVE LOST ALL ABILITY TO FEEL BUT STILL FEEL SOMETHING?? AS IF A VACUUM HAS SEEPED IN YOUR CHEST, TRYING TO SUCK ALL EMOTIONS AND PAIN, BUT, INSTEAD OF THE PAIN GOING AWAY, YOU'LL JUST FEEL THE PAIN GOING TROUGH IN CIRCLES, TRYING TO GET TO THAT VOID??

Do you know how hard that feels??

Do you know that me, blogging again, is a bad omen? That the same feeling I was feeling back then when I had no one to tell my problems or my feelings to, I'm feeling again right now?

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THAT?

Yes, you worry about our future... but, honestly, how about what I feel now?

What if we fall apart because I'M FALLING APART?

What if I can't take the pain anymore?

Would I be apathetic? Would I lose feeling?

WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME THEN?

If you asked me questions as to how I feel about my parents, even just for a while, do you think you'd still think that I feel NOTHING or think about NOTHING regarding my parent's problems??

If you asked me what my ninang and I talked about that night we went out, do you think it would have changed how I felt?

I BET YOU, IF YOU READ THIS, YOU'D BE ANGRY AGAIN AT ME.

Thinking that I was selfish and shit.

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

I don't know.....

all I know is that I'm hurting so much right now, and that I'm keeping everything in. I am son to be a time bomb.

Don't let me explode..... please...

-sF-

FOR MY FOREVER.

2009-03-29T02:37:00.002+08:00

kabullshitan naman talaga. The way you handle yourself as if not to care. tangina. nakakasakit ka na. sobrang nakakasakit ka na.

You dont give in to the idea that i DO get hurt. na AKO RIN nasasaktan. na ako rin marunong makaramdam.

masakit ang chan mo, go lang. maghahanap ako ng gamot. may sugat ka, magpapanic ako...

pano ako? pucha.. walang reply... kaya kong magpakamatay, tell you that i will do it, and get no response from you.

kanina, i feel stupid. I dont like you laughing at me. I feel so low. tapos ano? I tell you i don't want to hear any more from you. Pero I never put down the fucking fone. pero ikaw... when you dont want to talk to me ecause you said I made you feel stupid... I even ask you... HOW DO I MAKE YOU FEEL STUPID?! samantalang ikaw nalang... kapakanan mo lagi... pero ano? binabaan mo parin ako...

magkaiba ang wait lang na sandali may tinatapos lang ako sa wait lang aalis kami. magkaiba yun. when someone tells you to wait, they assume right away that you will be doing something FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES. they don't assume that you'll be out. now THAT requires you telling them. Not just you telling them to wait!!

naiinis ako kasi lagi ka nalang ganyan. I tell you something is wrong and you don't even acknowledge it. But when YOU tell me something is not right or something is the matter....

i DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE!! you act so nonchalantly. nawalan ka na ng pakelam. tapos ano? kapag may pakelam ka na like you tell me. you act so overly jealous and overly paranoid as if im cheating on you.

you are extremes.

and i have to accept that...

ikaw na forever ko eh....................

2009-03-28T02:11:00.004+08:00

Can't help but be caught in this loop of ideas and phrases. I've been thinking again.

Yes. This is when thinking IS very bad. The kind of bad you want to stay away from. The kind of bad that is worse than drugs.

I WANT CHILDREN.

SO BAD.

Take note, it's not a baby, it's not a kid. Children.

And no, it's not a spur of the moment. I've been thinking about it for quite some time.

A little background.

My mum got me when she was 19. They married May 10, 1990. I was born November 5, 1990. I was overdue. Do the math. :|

Ever since I was exposed to the possibility of having a baby, I've always wanted to have a baby at a young age, kinda like my mum and dad, because I thought it was better that you can get to be young with your kid even for a short while.

The thought of bonding moments, the feeling of... something magical and unexplainable at the same time, times when you just look at your baby have tears of joy at the brim of your eyes.

Yes... I want those feelings sooooo bad.

kahit na artificial insemination pa yan.

You, if I HAVE readers (hihihi... ^_^) might be thinking that I am crazy or that I can't handle it right now. You're right. I AM crazy AND I can't handle a baby financially.

And get this. I am in an unconventional relationship AND I have no intention of ending it soon, or ever.

So, I am going to do it artificially.

or...

We've been thinking about it... we are thinking, I don't know, having a one night stand with someone absolutely random but very hand picked with his "seeds" be buried in me and he'll have no obligation with us or the baby, whatsoever. BUT, under the conditions that she gets to watch. *evil grin...* and no, she will not be involved in the act.

Ewan ko...

I want it sooooo bad.

for sooooo long...

My Enderun Essay 2: QUESTION

2009-03-25T02:19:00.001+08:00

QUESTION: If you are to open a business of your own in either hospitality, leisure or tourism, what would it be? What would your top three priorities be to ensure a successful venture?

If I would be given a chance, I would consider making my own hotel. Since Pilipinos are famously known for their hospitality, I am confident enough to know that I can satisfy whatever it is the client is looking for in visiting a certain place—the nearest place called home.

I plan on making a certain alternative for people to call home when visiting either a familiar place or a new adventure—a, somewhat, home away from home. I would accommodate to their needs, exposing how Pilipinos get their titles of being a loving and hospitable culture.

One of the priorities in holding a business is to treat your employees civilly and with respect. This is to ensure that you get the same amount of respect you give them. It also enables you to have employees who would do their jobs properly. It is a certified way of getting good quality from your employees, at the same time, having the benefit of trust and loyalty towards the “employee-employer” relationship.

Another would be prioritizing your clients. A sure way of establishing a good beginning would be to strengthen one’s credibility by gaining the trust of her potential clients. By attaining the client’s trust, the business could slowly but surely make its way up the successful ladder. One must of course bear in mind that there are different types of clienteles. That is why, adaptation and flexibility is a skill to be mastered when entering the business world.

Being one of the top three priorities, the last one should be managing proper communication between associates and business partners. To avoid conflict, one must establish communication. That is why constant meetings and check-ups should be done in order to keep track of the progress being made or to avoid accidents or incidents in situations not expected.

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I think I would've made a GREAT business person. :|

My Enderun Essay 1: WHAT MAKES ME, ME.

2009-03-25T02:18:00.000+08:00

WHAT MAKES ME, ME.

For days I have struggled of thinking of what I should write in this essay. It is not until a friend of mine finally suggested that I make a personal essay, not something that the people in the institution may think of as, how Pilipinos say, “bola”. When I asked her what my topic could be, she finally came up with “How you became YOU”.

I have pondered on this question a million times even before this essay was requested. “How DID I became ME?”

I may go on and on for hours of tales from when I’m born, when I made my mistakes, when I laughed and became proud. But, thinking that I might bore whoever is going to read this, I decided to make this a run-through of whatever goes on in my mind. Maybe then, we can together realize what makes me my own self.

As I write this, I’m still at a loss figuring out what words to use. After all, I need to be careful. A word may mean a million different things. I would not want them to get the wrong idea of who I really am.

And then it hit me—WRITING. Indeed, words form me. My thoughts, my feelings—they all come in words. It’s a certain passion I share with few people. I never really dreamed of being an open book for people to read. The time I discovered this “gift” was when I was unable to control my feelings, and since I had very few friends, I got a pen and paper and started writing. It was then I felt whatever they were saying that circumstances may occur when your body can’t keep up with what your mind is saying. Words eagerly came out of hiding. Feelings I never thought I felt came rushing out—anger, hate, happiness and more. My hands tumbled, my grammar, ridiculous, and my hand writing? Horrible. Barely anything can be read. But it felt good. After days, I evolved from writing diary compositions to short stories to poems. For the few who read my stories, they found a certain liking or connection with my characters, or the plot. They would ask me to either continue the story, or make more. Gladly, I accept.

Another passion of mine may be found deep in the depths of my family tree—both mother’s side and father’s. What is it? MUSIC. In the matriarchal side of my family, they were all, somewhat, required to play a musical instrument. While in the patriarchal side, simply has “profound” taste in music. Music from every generation, either of hopeless romantics or music during the revolution to those angsty ballads are flowing through my veins like blood. There is just something about how the melody compliments the lyrics and how the lyrics go through you. Other than writing, music was what held me together through good times and bad. I found another outlet when a pen is not around. When there came a time that I was in a state of depression, people would catch me in a corner listening to music. Even in random moments, people would catch me humming, if not singing to myself.

There came a certain stage in my life wherein I asked myself what my sole purpose could be. It is with this that my passion for cooking was ignited. I found out that my purpose was to make others happy—in other words, MAKING A DIFFERENCE. It is a known fact that food make people happy. Being a Pilipino, it has been instilled in our culture even long before we were colonized by foreign countries, that eating creates a certain bind in every Pilipino, even in every culture. Seeing how a certain dish can never fail to bring joy and happiness to people, I found cooking to be my calling.

It is with these that I realize how I became ME—the passion for a connection, either to myself or to others. How I interact with others, how I want to make a difference—THAT’S what formed me into who I am now; my attitude and mannerisms are all based into this simple, yet unending chain. It is no wonder that my goal be as simple—to be happy by making others happy.

ENDERUN.

2009-03-25T02:16:00.000+08:00

The topic has come out. Now i feel bitter about what happened. :|

I was supposed to be a student of a prestigious school--an international school. Scholarship pa sana. (*sigh*)

For those of you who do not know...

"Enderun is a college that offers a full range of bachelor's degree and non-degree courses in the fields of hotel and restaurant management and culinary arts. Enderun's mission is to prepare its students for leadership positions in this dynamic global industry, not only by providing them with unrivalled professional, and management training, but by grounding them in the humanities, social sciences, arts, and practical physical sciences.

Enderun is committed to the highest international standards of academic excellence. --official website"

Ever since I saw them at a school fair, that has been my target. I feel that I deserved every ounce of it if I ever got in that school. But, knowing it is an international school, I told myself that I would go for a scholarship.

So my grades were not excellent, I figured I could pass the interview. Luckily, someone was already contacting me. She was fixing my papers, giving me interviews, she even offered my dad an overview (which he turned down) of everything that could happen if I got in Enderun (but that didn't happen until later that Summer.)

My mind was set. Being a new school, they didn't have entrance tests... yet. All I had to do was write a bunch of essays, and go to loads of interview, which was, of course, great for me. Great because I am, not to gloat, good at impromptu. :)

The time came for my 1st interview. A lady and one of the founders were the people who interviewed me. I had such fun. Nervous, yes, but they welcomed me as if they were already accepting my application for scholarship. So the interview commenced. I can ask whatever question I want to them. They, in turn, ask me theirs. I was not having an interview. I was having a conversation. And I was loving every minute of it.

As I left the conference room, they gave me an opportunity to ask one more question. I asked "How did I do?" They said, "Well, you were animated." That's all that I could remember in the verbatim, but, they said there is a possibility I can pass.

I was so dumbfounded and happy, I forgot how to open the door. I rushed down the building, where my dad was waiting. I was so happy. I realized what a great feeling it was to work for something--to work at a dream--and have it come true. It definitely felt like Christmas.

I anticipated the day that I would receive a call or a letter from Enderun, telling me that I passed the scholarship.

THE DAY CAME. I received both a call and a letter. Now that I think about it. It was my dad who got the letter and opened it. I never knew there was a letter until the intern from Enderun called to ask if I received my letter. :|

There it was. I WAS ACCEPTED. I jumped for joy. I cried. But I only got partial scholarship. 100,000 php per year, in other words, 50,000 php off every semester. I didn't care. I knew we could handle it.

THE DAY CAME once again that my parents told me NO. I arranged meetings with the lady at Enderun, figuring out what I can do to afford it. We considered everything. But still, they said no.

The lady called me one time. She wanted to talk to my dad. He, I think, was rather rude in a discreet way (He was polite, but, there was this line that made it bad *in a semi-angry voice* "Yes, you have successfully sold your product to my daughter.") I was appalled. I apologized to the lady. She told me in a text "It's ok. I understand your dad. Maybe someday."

Everything just went down the drain.

Coincidentally, it was the time that Asian Food Channel (afc) was being aired. As I stared at the TV in my room, watching everything in the channel, I sobbed, scratched that, I wailed, and threw something at the TV. I immediately called Yang. I was so hurt. I told her "Ito lang ang bagay na pinagsisisihan kong pinalampas ko. One of the things that I know, when I get older, I would look at my acceptance letter and just cry myself to sleep."

i lost all hope then. My plans. My dream.

Until now, when I watch the DVD Enderun gave me during the interview, I still cry, or get teary eyed.

Sabi nalang ni Yang "hintayin mo nalang yung time na kaya mo nang pag-aralin ang sarili mo."

I fear that all would be too late by then.

it's been...

2009-03-21T22:21:00.004+08:00

about a couple of months since I had an entry.

update? wala naman masyado. except for the fact that my family's been on this Facebook craze. It started with my mum playing this game, Who Has The Biggest Brain, which, of course, determines your brain's size in cm. (I doubt its accuracy though, I am at a Cyborg level already...) Then, everything just took off from there.

I have various applications already, Mob Wars, Fashion Wars, Vampire Wars, Band Wars... Lahat na ata ng Wars na add ko na. :| But, what's most addicting for my family if PET SOCIETY.

Last Sunday, my kid cousins made a Facebook account JUST to play Pet Society. My ninang, who was never concerned with anything with social networking before this, was also playing. But, I think my mum got it worse. She would sit in front of the computer, clicking, visiting and "soaping" the pets the whole day. I don't even know what she sees in that game that can take you the WHOLE day. 24 hours pa nga kung minsan. :| sabagay, it is a form of therapy for her. After all she's been through... *sigh...*

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be weak... if you want to love...
-Fra Lippo Lippi-

the HOOTERS experience.

2008-10-21T22:00:00.006+08:00

It's located in the Esplanade near MOA.

So i wanted to have a HOOTERS experience. Big deal. The Americans loved it. Why shouldn't I? OK. So the Americans AND men liked it. ok. not likeD, past tense but, rather, LIKE, present tense.

It was ok, I guess. The ambiance was nice and there were coold things posted on the walls. Kinda like TGIS only it was a brighter place than the dark, cozy TGIS we're all accustomed to.

it was actually..... AWKWARD for me... being conservative *cough cough* and all that. I mean, I know I'm green minded and all.. but to have a WAITRESS with big boobs(.. and i mean.. *ehem..* yeah..) super fitted tank top and pekpek shorts with boots... i mean.. I had a hard time even looking at her.

So, after giving our orders (with me, not looking at her), we patiently waited for the food when I noticed a guy behind me at the bar. He must've been a regular, being surrounded by almost ALL the waitresses and talking to him all "buddy-buddy-ishly".

and of course. the guy was loving every minute of it.

Kita niyo naman sa picture diba?

After a while there was this cowboy music playing in the speakers. The girls all stopped whatever they were doing and they danced. Not just an ordinary dance, but, shaking breasts, jumping thingy, dancing. :| I figured their choreographer was a guy.. :|

i would post the video soon. cocopy ko muna from my phone. :|

i don't know what else to say eh.

so let it end here. :D

'til next time?

by the way... at the middle of our meal... bigla silang nag hoola-hoops.. :|

Hair + scissors = new life?

2008-09-07T14:05:00.005+08:00

It used to be the case, but, not today.

I finally had my tresses cut. I actually miss is now.

BEFORE:

and NOW:

(shit.. ngayon ko lang napansin.. ang nerdy ko sa 2nd picture.. :|)

forgive me for my vainess..

the first pic was taken kasi ang ganda ng pagka blower sa hair ko!! hehehe..:D

the second naman was taken with the towel kasi i sent it sa best friend ko sa italy and the towel was to emphasize the shortness of my hair, seeing that my shirt is navy blue.. :D

sabi nila, when you get a different kind of hair cut, your life changes dramatically.

I don't think it's the hair cut that changes your life dramatically..

i think it's the thought that you get that the moment you change your hair, and the moment your hair touches the floor of the salon, you tend to associate it with all your troubles and "the old you" with it.

parang out with the old and in with the new.

pero, for me.

not this time. :D

moving on.

2008-09-07T13:40:00.002+08:00

One time, someone asked me to tell her a secret. I simply said,

"I am forgetful, but I never forget."

Ang labo ba?

It's actually quite simple for me. (Malamang maiintindihan ko sarili ko diba?) When it comes to material things, (ie. bringing this and that, and so forth, and so on.) I am embarrisingly forgetful (jusko, at my age, para na akong may alseimer's nito.). Pero, when it comes to things that trigger emotions, I can remember every detail EXCEPT the date.

Apparently, hindi masaya ang ganun. Kala niyo lang masaya. Pero hindi.

I can't help but stress it. For years I have used music as a medium to stop the flashing of these memories or maybe even the haunting of the same voices who mocked, insulted, and whatever you may call it, me. I used to even lie in the dark with the music blaring in the background and then tears will fall. Emong emo. KADIRI.

Now, I'm actually happy to say, I have recovered but I never forgot.

I don't linger on things too much lately. And I think this is good for me. I am still yet to discover the side effects of this.

BUT.

I still haven't forgotten.

It's just that I don't get EMO.

too much.

Project Lafftrip Laffapalooza

2008-09-02T22:07:00.002+08:00

Ako po ay may hangad na makasali sa pagboto ng

Project Lafftrip Laffapalooza sa http://kwentongbarbero.com .

Ito po ay isang pacontest para sa mga makukulit na blogs dito sa pinas. :D

ang aking mga binoboto ay sina:

No. 1: www.greenpinoy.com - not only for his cool antics and his "WTFOMGLOLZ" banat, GP has also touched the lives of those both here and abroad. :D

No. 2: www.tapsiboy.com - hindi lang puro kalibugan ang alam nito (*ehem..) he also gives color to those political issues raised in our country, not to mention the incredible "moral of the story" at the end of every post.

No. 3: www.kingdaddyrich.com - not only known for his incredilous, not to mention, scandalous @s, siya rin ay nakikilala sa kanyang mga... basta. funneh siya okey?! :P

i have bolted in na po..:D

happyslip.

2008-09-01T23:10:00.002+08:00

People. Meet Christine Gambito (wait.. parang mali.. paki correct nalang ako ah...)

She's someone as spectacular as the most...

basta.. she's great...

check out her latest video...

CLICK HERE

her videos aren't usually that serious. But, she made an exception.

RANDOM (you have been warned)

2008-09-01T22:27:00.002+08:00

it's a moment of tears
tears that never even fell
i can even close my eyes to the melody
playing in the background

sometimes, the rawest of the moments
may be that of....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i lost it again, my thoughts to write...

it's always inevitable to find yourself staring blankly at the screen as the video plays in the background. I know...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my thoughts don't even make any sense now...

all i know is everyone is subject to every other's want to feel better. i.e judging others... yes, i shall go on and on about this fucked up judgment. In fact, i don't care how many times i play it. I will just never get over it.

My dreams are now turn into ashes. At least, my will to be someone that would make a difference.

You just have to stop me. You just have to think.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes when nothing makes sense, the girl tries to be someone she wanted to be. And so, she tries to type. But then, nothing is but blank. Her luster in writing, now gone. Her self-confidence, zero. Her sense, gone down the drain.

It took her about two seconds to realize that she is nothing but being too moody, too touchy, too sensitive.

What can she do?

It's what she feels.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have two stories long overdue in my drafts folder or document manager in this blog server.

I don't think I'll ever finish it.

Anytime soon, at least.

another judging moment. :|

2008-08-29T09:28:00.003+08:00

How was it made possible that man has the right to acknowledge the faults, flaws and whatever it is that they think is wrong, when man, himself can not accept his own flaws when told bluntly?

Why?

It sounds funny for me.

NO.

It sounds like bullshit.

i don't need this.

2008-08-28T22:58:00.002+08:00

PERFECTION
It's funny how it is expected by our family. By others. By everyone. I, personally, hate this. But, with the name comes perfection. Perfection in other people's eyes.

Fuck Perfection.
Fuck it.
Fuck it.

I don't need your words.
I don't need your judgment.
I don't need the crap you base on the fucking norms of society.

JUDGMENT
It's easy to pass judgment on those you BELIEVE to know something of, but know nothing about. It's easy to pass judgment based on what you've grown accustomed to. It's easy to pass judgment on people you see flaws with because you never committed them. It's easy to BELIEVE that I am throwing my life away just because you BELIEVE that I did not make the right choice. It's easy to pass judgment because I never wanted what you wanted for me. It's easy to pass judgment because I NEVER WAS GOOD ENOUGH.

YOU
How could you?
How dare you.
Why?
I don't need this.
Not now, at least.
Maybe never.
I don't know.
I don't want this.

Bakit ba ang lakas niyong manakit ng ibang tao. Ang galing niyo mag bitiw ng salita. It's funny how people try to point out the flaws and imperfection of other people. Funny how we tend to feel better seeing that other people make mistakes worse, if not the same, as ours.

"Buti nalang hindi ako yun."

"Some people just have it worse."

PUTA.

Tumingin muna kayo sa sarili niyo. Please lang... Hindi niyo kasi alam ang impact ng mga sinasabi niyo eh. Hindi niyo alam kung ano nagagawa ng mga simpleng pagsabi ng

"Hindi ka ba nag-iisip?"

"May delikadesa ako."

"Sayang lang mga pinagtatrabaho ng mga magulang mo para sayo."

"Wala lang."

"Masyado bang maganda yung movie?"

"Yun naman pala eh. Pwede naman palang lumabas ng bahay."

PUTANG INA.

You don't have the slightest idea of how i fucking feel. You don't know what I'm going through.

YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

Don't turn the fucking tables at me kasi alam niyong may pagkukulang din kayo at alam niyong tama ako.

UTANG NA LOOB.

tama na.....

everybody wants to rule the world...

2008-08-27T11:56:00.003+08:00

It came to me while I was in the wake of my other lola.

People are growing old... :|

I was sitting in one corner, looking at my biological lola, then a thought came into my mind.

"Paano na si lola? Sino na kasama niya?"

My lola's husband died 3 years ago. Just as she was recovering from the death, the Grim Reaper knocked on our door.

It's kind of sad, actually. She's been around for so long that maybe, just maybe, she's seen most of the people she grew up with, laughed with, cried with... die.

I think this is what death does. It sucks out the very feeling out of you... Like a death eater being close by.

But, I don't think that that's the feeling death intends for us to feel. I think death wants us to appreciate life more, and to be confident enough in thinking that what happened was for the best. I think it's the people's attachment to the person that makes us feel so... shitty.

Since we invest feelings, emotions and time to the person. When it was taken away from us, of course, we are to feel anger and whatnot. It's like investing thousands of money on a certain business. Then, in an instant, the bank takes it away from you because of your previous utangs.

Oh well.

We all die sooner or later.

death.

2008-08-24T23:49:00.002+08:00

gusto kong itype lahat ng marinig ko... magulo isip ko, malungkot, malabo. Kung tutuusin, ayokong magsalita, ayokong makipag away, ayokong magexplain, ayokong makipag usap. pero sana gusto ko nasa tabi kita.

Pero mukhang gusto pa mangulit ng mga kamay ko. Hindi matahimik, hindi makatulog--MAGULO RIN.

is it you... is it you... maybe you're the one i've been waiting for...

ngayon tinatype ko nalang lahat ng marinig ko o maisip ko... napaka random...

it's like i've waited my whole life, for this one night... it's just me, you, and the dance floor...

tangna... wala naman talaga eh... tama na excuses... hindi lang trabaho pinaguusapan natin.. kung tutuusin, naiinggit ako sa kanila kasi sila, hindi nawawalan kahit hindi nila kasama... pero ako? kanina, maawa ako sa sarili ko sa hospital... nakaupo lang ako dun... mag-isa... wala man lang kumausap sakin para intindihin ako... wala... para akong tanga... nagagalit, nalulungkot, tas mamaya-maya, tatawa at ngingiti na... puta. puta talaga.

i need you boo... i gotta see you boo...

pucha.. timing ang kanta... ibahin ko nga..

sweet, sugar, candy man..

-_-"

*piano intro*
*piano intro parin*
come up to meet you.. tell you i;m sorry.. you don;'t know how lovely you are..
i had to find you.. tell you i need you.. tell you i set you apart..
tell me your secrets and ask me your questions.. oh let's go back to the start..
running in circles.. coming in tails.. heads on a science apart..

NOBODY SAID IT WAS EASY...
IT'S SUCH A SHAME FOR US TO PART...

lahat ng tao, aloof... hindi mapakali... hindi alam ang gagawin... hindi alam ang gusto...

---B L A N K M O M E N T---

Questions of science, science and progress..
do not speak as loud as my heart...

everyone was morose... everyone except for my dad arguing with the hospital staff. We, rather, I opted to stay despite my dad's bickering with the nurse. My dad has a point, as a matter of fact. They classified US (us being the relatives and the direct descendants of the sick) as visitors. My dad's point? What if the patient expires? Will the sons be not in her side upon her death? Besides, the nurse was rude. My dad was calm with arguing (if that made sense). He called the security guard, when he told us he was going to call for his superiors regarding the matter. He even raised his voice. My dad said, "Since I'm just a visitor. I'll refuse to pay for the stay and bills of myAuntie." Touche. Point taken.

The next day, upon the death of our relative, they brought the cadaver down the morgue without informing us (us being the classified visitors the night before, but, seeing as something already happened, we were then called the RELATIVES). Strike two for the "WALANG KWENTANG HOSPITAL" *bitter*

I feel bad for the nurse. Mali ang binastos niya. My dad got his name, he swore he'll do anything of his power to disbar the nurse.

Sa susunod kasi, pwede... RESPETO NAMAN.

Everyone's pissed and upset by now. All are hot headed, but we have to stand our ground.

Naiiyak ako.

Yet you choose to be, on the side of me... On the side of me...

Puta. Wala ka nga sa tabi ko eh. Anong on the side of me?

I'm not so proud of some things i do in my life. The skeletons in my closet are too big to hide... Yet you choose to be on the side of me.. on the side of me...

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! tapos hindi ka pa mag tetext ngayon?

Gusto ko mapagod ang mga kamay ko sa kakatype.

Gusto ko naring magpahinga.

Hindi ako hihinto sa pag type hanggat hindi pa napapagod toh...

Utang na loob. Please lang.

Nasasaktan na ako...

one word sentences that does not fit the description.

2008-08-24T00:45:00.002+08:00

obsession has its way of creeping up with people.

I think that's how I'll start this blog.

It creeps up to your bones, then leaves you dead in the morning. But still, you want M O R E.

What is it with obsession that makes it so damn irresistible?

The clicking of the mouse...
The ticking of the keyboards...
The blood rushing through your veins...
The adrenaline...
The waiting...
The phone call...

The THINKING.

It's a force of habit, I think, being obsessed. But what happens when it's a momentarily obsession? After a couple of clicks, taps, and ticks, it's gone?

Wouldn't that be another definition for infatuation or momentary awe.

How would you really differentiate this "obsession" with this "momentary awe".

Well, I know how to sort my wants. MY OBSESSIONS. My needs. My ecstacy in the plural.

Do you?

Can you hold on to it?

Can you stick with it?

apathy.

2008-08-20T23:35:00.002+08:00

Funny how a certain motivation to write may either be an extreme feeling of either happiness or sadness--never something in between.

Why are we so motivated by fear?

Fear of rejection.
Fear of heights.
Fear of dying.
Fear of...

Fear of losing you...

When there is fear, we tend to overcome our wants, our needs. Instead we live through our lives being controlled by this... this... FEAR.

Something about this FEAR is making us feel this apathy.

A-P-A-T-H-Y:
As applied to the mind, it is a calmness, indolence, or state of indifference, incapable of being ruffled or roused to active interest or exertion by pleasure, pain, or passion.

In exchange of fear. We have apathy.

Apathy is a known cousin of indifference, insensibility and unconcern.

Once you feel too much of this fear. You may tend to feel a certain inclination towards apathy. Examples of this emotion may be the aftermath of a long silent war or can even be having a sugar rush without you minding it. It can even reach the height of being... numb.

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i know, i know.. i should've slept hours ago.....

but i just can't bear it.

hindi ko kayang hindi matulog hanggang ganto tayo... nakakagago... buti naman at maayos na ang lahat... alam mo naman na mahal na mahal kita diba?

i'm just glad everything's ok.. ^_^

sugar rush.

2008-08-20T21:22:00.004+08:00

How to cope with depression:

STEP 1: Acknowledge the said reason of the depression. Dwell on it. Be angry about it, but never talk about it.

STEP 2: Heighten your pride. The higher your pride, the higher your chances of being depressed. This is good.

STEP 3: Write senseless, meaningless blogs that rant about said depression.

STEP 4: Post one-word status messages on whatever messenger you have available on your computer.

STEP 5: Pretend to busy yourself with fixing your blog's template or with blog hopping.

STEP 6: Eat sweet merengue while doing STEP 5.

STEP 7: Lose self control of eating merengue.

STEP 8: When asked by a friend what your problem is, RANT. Rant to your heart's content. Continue eating merengue.

STEP 9: Realize your mistake. Reiterate on whether to apologize or not. Continue eating merengue.

STEP 10: Finish your last merengue. Suffer from sugar rush.

i miss you. tumawag ka naman. kakainin ba tayo ng pride natin. please. tumawag ka naman.

Enjoy.

taro jelly...

2008-08-20T19:50:00.005+08:00

ANGER.
Gets the better(or the worse) of us all. Even when you just came from an unforgettable trip to her room.

MISCOMMUNICATION.
Was it? Maybe.

POMELO.
An object to put all of what the first statement means. You just didn't understand.

McDONALD'S COKE FLOAT.
I wanted one. You didn't.

APOLOGIZE.
Should I?

PRIDE.
Is making this thing bigger.

WHY?
just because.

ASHAMED.
Of who? Of you? Never. Of you about me? Maybe.

HURT.
dammit. so bad.

AGAIN, PRIDE.
is driving me insane.

TEXT.
I always do.

CALL.
You never did.

SLEEP.
I think I should.

Tangna. Alam kong mababaw ako... pero, mali man ang narinig ko, ang dami paring nag trigger sakin na kung ano-ano. Pucha. Feeling ko kinakahiya mo ako. Feeling ko hindi pa ako sapat para sayo. Alam mo ba kung gano kita gusto iparada sa lahat ng tao at ipagmalaki na ka-on kita?? Tangna naman tay... kahit hindi nila tinatanong, ako na ang nagsasabi sa kanila. Bakit ikaw? Ako na gumagawa ng paraan para makilala mo mga kaibigan ko at mga kaibigan mo. Pero parang ikaw pa yung gumagawa ng paraan para hindi ko sila makilala. At parang ikaw pa ang ayaw makakilala sa mga kaibigan ko. Sabihin mo nang mababaw. Pero hindi mo lang kasi alam kung gano kaimportante yun para sakin. Ngayon ko lang lahat nararamdaman ang mga ito. Sayo ko lang ginusto ang lahat ng to. Pero bakit parang wala lang ang lahat para sayo? Palibhasa kasi napagsawaan mo nang gawin ang mga yan sa mga ex mo. Hindi mo ako mapasyal, ma date, ma sundo. Lahat hindi. Tangna naman. Ayaw mo pumunta sa mga lugar na gusto ko dahil ano? Dahil naaalala mo siya kamo. Ikaw na nagsabi nun. Hindi ko talaga makalimutan yun. LAKING SAMPAL SAKIN YUN. Pero hindi na ako kumibo nun diba? Ayoko narin kasi ng away at ayokong sabihin mo nanaman na napaka babaw ko.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

I HAD A DREAM...

2008-08-19T09:48:00.010+08:00

It was dark. I can hardly make out anything. Then I hear voices of children--I've stuck around the dream for awhile to realize the children in the background were my cousins. We were back in out old house in Malate. The house was different though, the stairs were in the same place but everything else was on the other side. It was quite peculiar. I remember walking along the house. Seeing my Ka Aging and Ninang. We just moved back there.

My Ninang then gave me a cup of ice cream. We went out to the garage to talk, with the kids trailing in the background. I was still dumbfounded, I was not moving. She took out an old picnic table. As dusty as it was, my Ninang was blowing the dust off the table.

The dream then continues to me being in a dressing room.

Still, I was wondering where I was going.

I learned later that I was in a singing contest. As nervous and clueless I was, I still sang--Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz. But, I had a partner.

A partner I know nothing of.

A partner who I don't know.

A partner who just sang the parts I did not know.

Instead of singing on stage, we were singing around the mall as if on a music video. While he followed me for the technicalities of our performance (partner connection, blending, rhythm, etc.) I was going around looking for my family.

As the song finishes, I found the whereabouts of my brother. (in real life, I was half asleep and he borrowed my mouse) Seeing that he didn't notice me, I decided to follow him with the mouse he borrowed.

As I was nearing my brother, my singing partner grabbed hold of my wrist and told me that the contest was over but the judges wanted to talk to us. I did not agree to anything, rather, he dragged me from my spot as I was still looking into the distance to see my brother.

The judges told us that we made it to the championships and that some Company was asking us to be their sponsors. After the judge left, my singing partner was ecstatic, I, on the other hand suddenly left him to follow my brother.

At this point of the dream, I wasn't talking, still. (besides the singing)

As I followed my brother, I saw that he left the computer shop, leaving his blog open. (how ironic, no?)

It had pictures of my mum and me hugging and laughing. His blog said that I was lucky that I didn't make the same mistake he did of not being close to my mum. To be honest, it sounded as if my mum was going to die. (i hope not. Please, LORD. I hope not.)

I finally had a chance of catching up with my brother. I was teary eyed. I saw him come out of the room--then I saw my mum lying on the bed, oblivious of me. When I saw my mum, I tried to barge in to the room but my brother stopped me.

He then said "Ssshhh... She doesn't know."

END

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I don't know what this dream means.

I sure hope that it's not true.

with that said.

I am afraid.

That's what you get.

2008-08-18T21:42:00.004+08:00

Tagos sakin ang lyrics ng Paramore ng kanilang sabihin na

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU LET YOUR HEART WIN

kung tutuusin, I actually am proud that I followed my heart rather than following those social norms, or worst, what my family said.

I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

Yes, I am guilty of following my heart more than my brain.

STUPID

I know, but, it's the way I'd rather be in.

For years I've been following the social norms, what my family wanted and what is expected of me.

But now, I just want to make them realize that what they want for me really isn't what is best. And what the society dictates is not always what is right.

I am not selfish or anything.

I just think I deserve just as much.

TIM TAM SLAM

2008-08-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

ganto yun...

Since we were (panic)buying, I decided to buy Arnott's Tim Tams because I've been wanting to do the Tim Tam Slam (if you want to see the "How To" video, click this)

In my excitement, I decided to share this chocolate-y bliss to my family. Dahil may sakit si utol, kina mama at papa nalang. :|

Now, since I know my dad shares my love for chocolate, I thought that he would appreciate it as much as I do. Yung mama ko, ok lang... kaso, my dad didn't like this little "chocolate cloud 9" I learned from YouTube.

I have come to realize that maybe, just maybe, we do lose our sense of childhood as we grow up and mature. Nako, I don't want that to happen to me. Magkalimutan na lahat wag lang ang inner child ko. I think if I become to self absorbed with my responsibilities, my inner child would come out of the closet and hit me 'til I wake up from my "self absorbed responsibilities" phase.

I think we should all learn to live a little. Make mistakes, be silly, have fun.

And when I mean fun, I don't mean partying, drinking, gimmiking, smoking, jamming and the sorts. Fun. As in, going to theme parks, playing with children, eating ice cream, making a mess.

In this day and age of technology and insane reality, let us not forget what keeps us in tact--where we came from. wag naman sana tayo maging tulad ng mga heartless/fun less na tao tulad ng gobyerno natin.

Ano na nga ba ang nangyari sa inner children nila?

Kung minsan, mas masarap pa nga ang mamuhay ng simple.

We just have to realize that.

PANIC BUYING

2008-08-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

YEEAP... It's that time of the month again.

No, I'm not talking about my monthly period (I've been irregular for so long that my last "red tide" was 4 months ago O.o) I am, in fact, talking about going to the grocery.

Once when my friends came with me to the grocery store, they saw how "panicked" our family was.

If the average family will buy one or two small cans of evaporated milk, our family would buy five cans of the big ones.

If the average family will buy maybe a pack or two of spaghetti sauce, we, on the other hand, would buy about five.

Well, you get the picture.

This time, it took us two overflowing carts, about 29 plastic bags, and about php 24,000.

Our last purchase of goods was 10 days ago.

yes. we are, in fact, a big family.

For that, I am proud.

A bit of an off-topic snippit:

I am, honestly, having fun with this server. All the colors, buttons, and things are so user friendly.

If only I can find people to read my blogs. O.O

hello.

2008-08-17T15:02:00.000+08:00

Sometimes...

you want to create, or even start, a world of your own...

Sometimes...

in the beginning...

you don't know what to say...

that's why it never occurred to you what it is that you are going to write...

kaya nga mahirap magsimula...

kasi hindi mo alam kung pano sisimulan...