Can't help but be caught in this loop of ideas and phrases. I've been thinking again.

Yes. This is when thinking IS very bad. The kind of bad you want to stay away from. The kind of bad that is worse than drugs.

I WANT CHILDREN.

SO BAD.

Take note, it's not a baby, it's not a kid. Children.

And no, it's not a spur of the moment. I've been thinking about it for quite some time.

A little background.

My mum got me when she was 19. They married May 10, 1990. I was born November 5, 1990. I was overdue. Do the math. :|

Ever since I was exposed to the possibility of having a baby, I've always wanted to have a baby at a young age, kinda like my mum and dad, because I thought it was better that you can get to be young with your kid even for a short while.

The thought of bonding moments, the feeling of... something magical and unexplainable at the same time, times when you just look at your baby have tears of joy at the brim of your eyes.

Yes... I want those feelings sooooo bad.

kahit na artificial insemination pa yan.

You, if I HAVE readers (hihihi... ^_^) might be thinking that I am crazy or that I can't handle it right now. You're right. I AM crazy AND I can't handle a baby financially.

And get this. I am in an unconventional relationship AND I have no intention of ending it soon, or ever.

So, I am going to do it artificially.

or...

We've been thinking about it... we are thinking, I don't know, having a one night stand with someone absolutely random but very hand picked with his "seeds" be buried in me and he'll have no obligation with us or the baby, whatsoever. BUT, under the conditions that she gets to watch. *evil grin...* and no, she will not be involved in the act.

Ewan ko...

I want it sooooo bad.

for sooooo long...