one second.

I think I know what it feels like to die. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any near-death experiences to share, it's just that, in a split second of watching today's new episode of Glee (I hate it how Quinn cheats on Sam and kiss Finn. >.<) I saw myself... dying.

Maybe it's the fact that after browsing the different channels, I saw the movie "Dying Young" playing in 2nd Avenue, or the fact that I have always felt that I will die soon. I dunno.

In that split second, I saw myself falling into an abyss, not of darkness, but of black. All the feelings flushed out on me -- I don't feel tired anymore, I do not feel like hurting. The falling part was exceptionally light. Not similar to the type wherein in our dreams we fall off a cliff. No, it's more sullen than that

Everything was falling into place -- my hair was finally perfect! I didn't feel like anyone would miss me being gone. Hell, I even saw myself falling with my hands situated over my stomach.

Yes, I felt all of those in a span of a second.

moving on.

One time, someone asked me to tell her a secret. I simply said,

"I am forgetful, but I never forget."

Ang labo ba?

It's actually quite simple for me. (Malamang maiintindihan ko sarili ko diba?) When it comes to material things, (ie. bringing this and that, and so forth, and so on.) I am embarrisingly forgetful (jusko, at my age, para na akong may alseimer's nito.). Pero, when it comes to things that trigger emotions, I can remember every detail EXCEPT the date.

Apparently, hindi masaya ang ganun. Kala niyo lang masaya. Pero hindi.

I can't help but stress it. For years I have used music as a medium to stop the flashing of these memories or maybe even the haunting of the same voices who mocked, insulted, and whatever you may call it, me. I used to even lie in the dark with the music blaring in the background and then tears will fall. Emong emo. KADIRI.

Now, I'm actually happy to say, I have recovered but I never forgot.

I don't linger on things too much lately. And I think this is good for me. I am still yet to discover the side effects of this.

BUT.

I still haven't forgotten.

It's just that I don't get EMO.

too much.