one second.

I think I know what it feels like to die. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any near-death experiences to share, it's just that, in a split second of watching today's new episode of Glee (I hate it how Quinn cheats on Sam and kiss Finn. >.<) I saw myself... dying.

Maybe it's the fact that after browsing the different channels, I saw the movie "Dying Young" playing in 2nd Avenue, or the fact that I have always felt that I will die soon. I dunno.

In that split second, I saw myself falling into an abyss, not of darkness, but of black. All the feelings flushed out on me -- I don't feel tired anymore, I do not feel like hurting. The falling part was exceptionally light. Not similar to the type wherein in our dreams we fall off a cliff. No, it's more sullen than that

Everything was falling into place -- my hair was finally perfect! I didn't feel like anyone would miss me being gone. Hell, I even saw myself falling with my hands situated over my stomach.

Yes, I felt all of those in a span of a second.

apathy.

Funny how a certain motivation to write may either be an extreme feeling of either happiness or sadness--never something in between.

Why are we so motivated by fear?

Fear of rejection.
Fear of heights.
Fear of dying.
Fear of...

Fear of losing you...

When there is fear, we tend to overcome our wants, our needs. Instead we live through our lives being controlled by this... this... FEAR.

Something about this FEAR is making us feel this apathy.

A-P-A-T-H-Y:
As applied to the mind, it is a calmness, indolence, or state of indifference, incapable of being ruffled or roused to active interest or exertion by pleasure, pain, or passion.

In exchange of fear. We have apathy.

Apathy is a known cousin of indifference, insensibility and unconcern.

Once you feel too much of this fear. You may tend to feel a certain inclination towards apathy. Examples of this emotion may be the aftermath of a long silent war or can even be having a sugar rush without you minding it. It can even reach the height of being... numb.

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i know, i know.. i should've slept hours ago.....

but i just can't bear it.

hindi ko kayang hindi matulog hanggang ganto tayo... nakakagago... buti naman at maayos na ang lahat... alam mo naman na mahal na mahal kita diba?

i'm just glad everything's ok.. ^_^