a thought.

it's not that I am regretful of how I celebrate my birthdays. Yes, there are times that I DO want to be alone on my birthday. Sometimes even reaching a point wherein I don't appreciated being told "Happy Birthday" that much. Honestly, it's the ampao that I am mostly exited about. teehee.

But with all the kidding-ness (?) aside, I DO wish that I have somebody to celebrate it with... not only THAT kind of special someone (God knows how miserable my LAST birthday was. and I still AM miserable, at that. -_________-) but, at least, I want OTHER people to be happy I was born.

For years, (DISCLAIMER: I am NOT complaining about this. just an observation.) I have prepared for birthdays of friends--preparing parties, prepping gifts, baking cakes, trying to cook food, etc.--but, I have never been given this opportunity. -_-

ok... now I'm just getting sad. -_-

I want my share of surprise AVPs... I want my blindfold, only to be led in a small room with only 4 people at most, carrying a cake, while singing "Happy Birthday" half giggling because they knew you did not see it coming.

*sigh..*

I am not being dramatic, it's just that, since I've been to several debuts of a VERY FEW friends, they always have this Audio-Visual Presentation wherein there are pictures, home movies or interviews of their best friend or something. And... I haven't experienced that.. -_-

And, I noticed, no matter how close I am to that debutante, I don't get invited for an interview or anything. Way to go, self-esteem and pagtatampo.

yeah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY. bah humbug.





-sF-

my soon to be memory

kung hindi mo makuhang tumigil kahit sandali para lang masabi sakin ang mga bagay na gusto ko marinig, pano mo pa ako bibigyan ng atensyong alam mong gusto kong nakukuha sayo?

tangna.

kung hindi ko alam nanaman kung bakit hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. at kung bakit kung ano-ano nalang ang ttype ko, aba't malay ko. ang alam ko...

gusto ko mag update ng blog.

pero wala akong magandang masabi. ganun naman talaga kung minsan diba?

psh.

anong minsan?

ganun na ako after how many months turned years.

if you'll look at my archive, you'll see a couple of outdated posts.

and yes, I might end up erasing this one sooner or later. but for now...

i need something to update my blog with...

and this is it.

untitled pa.

The stillness of the library haunts her. But still, it does not stop her from spending her silent afternoons engrossed in a book. She refuses to get a Library Card because, in some sick and twisted way, she loves the serenity and fluidity her world inside gives her.

She gets her book and stands in front of the book shelf for awhile, browsing through the titles, synopses, summaries. But there is one book that caught her attention.

She grazed the spine of the book as if feeling the embossed letters of the title, caressing every detail, every curve, every line. She quietly got hold of its spine, but hesitating at the last second. She glanced at both sides, as if crossing a certain boundary. The librarian sat on the farthest left of hers and no one but the tables at her right. As she got the book, the distance seems to have grown farther. She paced her way towards the farthest table at the back of the room close to the darkest corner. It was this time that she appreciated the carpeted floors.

As she sat on the table, she put the book on her lap, refusing to put it at the table as if afraid someone might see her reading the book.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tell me what you think so far.

:)

-sF-

From the sheets to the pillow.

She has endured everything around her.

The distance... The time...




The SILENCE.




It is painful enough to have everything turned into an utter disaster, just when she had everything under control.

Her form on her bed... Her fragrance entangled with the sheets... Her head against her chest when asleep...

Yes... She will miss it. Definitely. But, as sappy as it may seem, or as cheesy as it may sound, good things really DO come to an end. You just have to anticipate every moment.

But, she might tell you, she did NOT anticipate it to have ended this soon.


-sF-

it's not fate.

It's not fate that's keeping us apart, it's my parents.

Of course, in my perception, parents want what's best for you. Although, I think they are so blinded about what they think is best for us (with their frustrations about to be reflected on their kids) that they don't really think we are capable of choosing on our own.

I think, in our culture, we are built and trained to be followers of our parents. Don't get me wrong, of course being obedient is utmost important in the Family heirarchy. But, what happens when it's our OWN well being and happiness we are talking about? Do we still follow everything that they want us to do? Everything being, when in doubt of your choice and decision, you follow theirs--kahit na tungkol saan pa yan. Or, will you be the family's "black sheep" just because you have taken into consideration the consequences of wanting what makes you happy, even if it means that by choosing so, it turns you into the REBEL among the family members?

In my opinion, I don't really think it is appropriate for parents to not support or listen to their kid. After all, young as they may be, or in some cases, OLD as they may be... they ARE... WE ARE able to think of what makes us happy, and, in turn, we ARE aware of whatever it is that it might have the possibility of getting us hurt.

BUT THINK ABOUT IT.

Don't you think it's hurting us more if we decided to pursue our own happiness WHILST pursuing yours? In layman's term? HIDING IT FROM YOU.

Us being hurt because without the possibility of getting that happiness (BELIEVE ME, THIS HAPPENS BECAUSE IF THE PARENTS ARE IN DOUBT OF YOUR ACTIONS, THEY WILL TRY EVERYTHING IN THEIR WILL POWER TO STOP YOU.) and you being hurt because you think that your offspring is disobeying you JUST for the sake of spiting you when in fact, they can't possibly let go because it makes them happy.

BUT...

What happens when you, as parents, do something in similarity to what your child is doing, only this time, it's worse? When lives of families are at stake--lives of YOUR FAMILY and that of OTHERS.

What do you think you're supposed to do?


















-sF-